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	Article  10 “How To Resolve Conflict Between Yourself And The Person Verbally Attacking You” Conflict resolution, whether it involves family conflict or workplace conflict, is critically important to your peace of mind.  Peace of mind is the condition that allows you to make well thought-out judgments, act in a responsible way anywhere anytime, and enables you to shake off the dust of conflict consequences and enjoy your day.  So, how do you get there? Most human conflict involves a situation that comes and goes so fast that we only begin to realize what someone said to us, and our response, minutes or hours later.  We react to a verbal attack instinctually by defending ourselves—often with words we regret later, and language you don’t want your kids to ever hear.  However, there are some very good effective non-violent ways to confront conflicts. The use of silence. Be willing to acknowledge you could be wrong. Humility always wins. Agree that there are no limits to forgiveness. Before we get into those methods, understand that there will be those individuals with a chip on the shoulder that will never be appeased or walk away happy.  Those are people who don’t realize that anger prevents happiness and joy in life and usually storm into and out of social conflicts most of their lives.  Anger persists for days, weeks, and even years. Silence is a very formidable strategy for reacting to conflicts.  Actors in movies demonstrate this tactic quite well.  When Clint Eastwood gets challenged by some aggressive person, he is often shown as hesitating, slowly turning around, holding a stare for several seconds, and then makes his move.  I once was involved in a professional office conflict with an associate.  He strolled into the meeting where several of us were talking and proceeded to give me a verbal bashing for several minutes for some unknown reason. I sat there silently listening to his angry insults and I noticed something powerful happening by the responses of those around me.  As the verbal abuse continued it was evident that he was making a fool out of himself, he recognized that, obviously became ashamed and left the room.  He never apologized to me or the group. Silence gives you a while to think clearly, react appropriately and responsibly, and then respond when all the angry words are finished.  When you respond quickly and emotionally—you lose control—they win.  If you remain silent, they run out of words and insults, and the anger dissipates rather quickly, but doesn’t go away.  You’re not giving that person any ammunition to throw back at you.  When you don’t respond, they normally turn and walk away.  You may be blistering angry at the time—but you win. Acknowledge the possibility you could be at fault—even if you aren’t.  You’ve heard that the quickest way to appease an angry person is to agree with them on everything.  You’ve made them right, and often that’s all it takes.  By quietly asking them, “Now, is there any other suggestion you have that may help me better myself,” it takes the wind out of their sails.  It’s something they just don’t know how to respond to on the spot. If you suspect you may be at fault, ask your inner-self to show you where you are at fault. Humility is a bulletproof means of protection. Maybe that’s not in your blood, nor something you prefer to use when dealing with conflict.  But it is especially effective when your body language, speech, and demeanor are in a surrender mode.  In addition, humility almost always will prevent physical confrontations.  You give up so what’s there to fight against?  Becoming defensive just adds fuel to the fire. Forgiveness is a mental process that sets you free, gives you peace of mind and provides you no reason to continue to be angry.  It’s a widely accepted principle contained in the Bible which absolutely works wonders.  You can shout your forgiveness to the other person directly or just whisper it to yourself---both do the trick.  At the moment of conflict situations the intruder likely will not take to being forgiven very well because they’re in a fighting mood to begin with.  Forgiveness won’t help them, but it sure relieves your mind. You can’t apologize unless you’re forgiven.  Quaint, but true. A family conflict can be the worst of all, especially if the children witness what is going on.  This is one time you will always thank yourself later that forgiveness and apology are how to manage a family conflict. My One Time Rule about social interaction: Always remember what I call the “One time Rule.”  Whenever you lose control in handling conflicts, become a raving lunatic without any personal restrictions to what you say or do, it will be permanently imbedded in the minds of every person who witnessed the event.  And, it will permanently alter any interaction you will have with any of those people for the rest of your life.  It’s a fact.  It only takes once!  It’s never forgotten. My view: I believe that conflicts are put in front of us not only for providing a lesson to be learned, but also as a means of maturing and strengthening our personalities for doing the right thing.  The longer I live the easier it is for me to see and understand how conflicts I’ve faced were not there to torture me, but to cause me to move in a different direction.  Each and every conflict I’ve encountered turned out to be for my own good.  And, you will never convince me that the results were accidental or coincidence. Conflict resolution is a skill you must learn to manage for your own sake.  Be a conflict and resolution advocate.  Develop your own conflict resolution strategies. The author, Curt Graham, is a medical doctor who has written extensively over his 35 plus years in active medical practice.  He is a published author in Modern Physician, and is credited as an expert author by web article directories and many self help websites including selfgrowth.com. Want to learn the strategies and tactics anyone can use to get top medical care and health information?  Go there now!         http://www.Healthcaresecretsrevealed-finally.com Please feel free to copy, send, or distribute this article as long as the article is not changed, and the resource box is included as written.          © 2008 L & C Internet Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Word Count = 950 Keywords = conflict, how to resolve conflict, resolve conflict, resolving conflict, resolve conflict, conflict resolution, family conflict, workplace conflict, dealing with conflict
This is what courage looks like in the face of any threat.
	Curt Graham, M.D., L & C Internet Enterprises, Inc. 2404 Mason Ave.  Las Vegas, NV 89102 E-mail = cgmdrx(at)gmail.com     ©2004-2011 Curtis Graham, M.D., L & C Internet Enterprises, Inc.  All Rights Reserved.